South of France Giggles

As with most relationships that have lasted for a few years…you start developing a weird & twisted humor with the other. Unbeknownst to my gal pals I had a memo reserved in my phone just for all the funny stupid shit that would fall from our mouths on our recent vacation. Two memos actually, because Amsterdam was…interesting. 

To protect our identities and our egos I won’t label who said what…just the reasoning. 

Quotes from Nice:  

"Y’all not watching this? It’s like porn but better."

First night in the neighborhood salsa bar we saw a 5’3 white middle aged man salsa dancing and slowly grinding with a lovely 5’7 woman who was black and looked all of 18. 

"Uh. That tram is going to the projects. Look at all the black people on there. Some things are universal guys."

Walking beside a crowded tram & making an inappropriate observation…

"But why he look like Lenny Kravitz’s little brother?"

At the salsa bar gawking at all the hot guys. This one had a ‘fro & what seemed to be leather pants.

"She’s about to be fucked up." "That’s why I wanna know what they’re drinking."

Again. At the salsa spot! A middle aged woman was doing a whole bunch of shots

"Uh oh. Vodka is telling me I can dance."

Pretty self explanatory.

"I think a pebble went up my ass."

Sitting at the edge of the beach (which is not sand), a wave comes along and put things in certain places…

"Pass me the lotion. I just scratched my leg and it looks like I’m trying to play tic tac toe with myself."

Getting ready in the hotel room to head out to dinner and this observation was made.

"I’m a little hungry…" "That’s because we had MCDONALD’S FOR BRUNCH!" "That was a bit aggressive." "Yea just a bit."

A conversation that led to what, when and where we were going to have dinner.

"What if there’s a twerking contest?" "You can twerk in Spanx. " No I can’t. The whole point to twerking is to see your butt jiggle and if you can’t see your butt jiggle there’s no point!"

Being fully prepared for these French men in these French clubs…

"Nah, it says it’s going to take 53 minutes to download this app." "Whaattt?!"

A suggested photo editing app was not cooperating with the hotel Wifi.

"Do you have any pictures of butts?"

As per a relative’s request back home. Pics of men’s asses was the direct request by the way.

"Noah was a blessing for this trip man."

Reflecting on the meeting of a small 15 yr old boy who was born & raised in New York who educated us on how to not pay for things.

"I don’t even get startled easily. He just showed up like a fucking mutant from X-Men."

Literally a guy appeared from the shadows by the beach trying to holla…um no.

"You think nice guys don’t want ass? FOR FREE?!"

Giving a nice guy we met the benefit of the doubt…

"My nose hairs are on fire. It. is. lit."

The body odor on the train to Monaco was so real.

"I will never forgive you two! He touched the side of my face! The place prone to acne! I can’t…"

A very emotional statement stemming from a shady Moroccan we met. 

"How come you didn’t read the magazine?" "I always do that. I bring the magazine with me when I poop but I never read it because I’m concentrating on pooping"

When girls share living spaces, conversations go there.

"You know how you said drowning is a slow way to die…my nose hairs felt that way on the train."

Reflecting once again on how horrible those few minutes were on the train to Monaco.

"You don’t want to end up chopped up and burned."

This quote was so poignant that we made it into a song and it followed us back to NYC. Defined the entire trip.

So many more. So many gems. A lot that are politically incorrect lol. My faves from Amsterdam though, “I can’t believe I’m in the same city as Augustus & Hazel.” (I’m sure you can guess who said that…) Or, “I’m confused, are we in Holland right now? Where is Holland? Everything says Holland.”

I love my friends.

Laters, 

Steph


South of France Giggles

As with most relationships that have lasted for a few years…you start developing a weird & twisted humor with the other. Unbeknownst to my gal pals I had a memo reserved in my phone just for all the funny stupid shit that would fall from our mouths on our recent vacation. Two memos actually, because Amsterdam was…interesting. 

To protect our identities and our egos I won’t label who said what…just the reasoning. 

Quotes from Nice:  

"Y’all not watching this? It’s like porn but better."

First night in the neighborhood salsa bar we saw a 5’3 white middle aged man salsa dancing and slowly grinding with a lovely 5’7 woman who was black and looked all of 18. 

"Uh. That tram is going to the projects. Look at all the black people on there. Some things are universal guys."

Walking beside a crowded tram & making an inappropriate observation…

"But why he look like Lenny Kravitz’s little brother?"

At the salsa bar gawking at all the hot guys. This one had a ‘fro & what seemed to be leather pants.

"She’s about to be fucked up." "That’s why I wanna know what they’re drinking."

Again. At the salsa spot! A middle aged woman was doing a whole bunch of shots

"Uh oh. Vodka is telling me I can dance."

Pretty self explanatory.

"I think a pebble went up my ass."

Sitting at the edge of the beach (which is not sand), a wave comes along and put things in certain places…

"Pass me the lotion. I just scratched my leg and it looks like I’m trying to play tic tac toe with myself."

Getting ready in the hotel room to head out to dinner and this observation was made.

"I’m a little hungry…" "That’s because we had MCDONALD’S FOR BRUNCH!" "That was a bit aggressive." "Yea just a bit."

A conversation that led to what, when and where we were going to have dinner.

"What if there’s a twerking contest?" "You can twerk in Spanx. " No I can’t. The whole point to twerking is to see your butt jiggle and if you can’t see your butt jiggle there’s no point!"

Being fully prepared for these French men in these French clubs…

"Nah, it says it’s going to take 53 minutes to download this app." "Whaattt?!"

A suggested photo editing app was not cooperating with the hotel Wifi.

"Do you have any pictures of butts?"

As per a relative’s request back home. Pics of men’s asses was the direct request by the way.

"Noah was a blessing for this trip man."

Reflecting on the meeting of a small 15 yr old boy who was born & raised in New York who educated us on how to not pay for things.

"I don’t even get startled easily. He just showed up like a fucking mutant from X-Men."

Literally a guy appeared from the shadows by the beach trying to holla…um no.

"You think nice guys don’t want ass? FOR FREE?!"

Giving a nice guy we met the benefit of the doubt…

"My nose hairs are on fire. It. is. lit."

The body odor on the train to Monaco was so real.

"I will never forgive you two! He touched the side of my face! The place prone to acne! I can’t…"

A very emotional statement stemming from a shady Moroccan we met. 

"How come you didn’t read the magazine?" "I always do that. I bring the magazine with me when I poop but I never read it because I’m concentrating on pooping"

When girls share living spaces, conversations go there.

"You know how you said drowning is a slow way to die…my nose hairs felt that way on the train."

Reflecting once again on how horrible those few minutes were on the train to Monaco.

"You don’t want to end up chopped up and burned."

This quote was so poignant that we made it into a song and it followed us back to NYC. Defined the entire trip.

So many more. So many gems. A lot that are politically incorrect lol. My faves from Amsterdam though, “I can’t believe I’m in the same city as Augustus & Hazel.” (I’m sure you can guess who said that…) Or, “I’m confused, are we in Holland right now? Where is Holland? Everything says Holland.”

I love my friends.

Laters, 

Steph


This is why I don’t Hike

I’ll set the scene.  Three young black beauties are excited for the second full day in Nice. They wake up (fairly) early, slap on some cute ass swimsuits & coverups & plan a day of excursion in the flawlessness that is the French Riviera. What our three gorgeous protagonists did not foresee were the distractions. Food, wine, shopping, French H&M?!?, French Starbucks?!?. Also the 1.5 steep as fuck hike to the majestic waterfall that was the point to this whole goddamn thing to begin with.

Day before:

"Oooh is that a waterfall in the mountain?"

"Where?"

"All the way up there! Can we go up there? Is that public?"

"OMG, pretty, I bet we can…but how the hell are we going to get all the way up there?"

*** 

Please note reader that when we asked the concierge at the hotel about the waterfall (map included) she told us there was 2 options,  stairs and the elevator. 

We decided to take the stairs. *insert exasperated picture of Blue Ivy here* 

Anyhoodles,  long story short we made the trek, practically died of dehydration because all we had to drink was 2 bottles of white wine, which of course was cracked open. Oh it was also about 85° F with clear skies that day. But it was definitely glorious once we reached the top. 

Below is a gallery from our hike…start to finish. 


Sure, I get it. Nature is beautiful. But I don’t hike. Let it be known now.

Laters,

Steph




This is why I don’t Hike

I’ll set the scene.  Three young black beauties are excited for the second full day in Nice. They wake up (fairly) early, slap on some cute ass swimsuits & coverups & plan a day of excursion in the flawlessness that is the French Riviera. What our three gorgeous protagonists did not foresee were the distractions. Food, wine, shopping, French H&M?!?, French Starbucks?!?. Also the 1.5 steep as fuck hike to the majestic waterfall that was the point to this whole goddamn thing to begin with.

Day before:

"Oooh is that a waterfall in the mountain?"

"Where?"

"All the way up there! Can we go up there? Is that public?"

"OMG, pretty, I bet we can…but how the hell are we going to get all the way up there?"

*** 

Please note reader that when we asked the concierge at the hotel about the waterfall (map included) she told us there was 2 options,  stairs and the elevator. 

We decided to take the stairs. *insert exasperated picture of Blue Ivy here* 

Anyhoodles,  long story short we made the trek, practically died of dehydration because all we had to drink was 2 bottles of white wine, which of course was cracked open. Oh it was also about 85° F with clear skies that day. But it was definitely glorious once we reached the top. 

Below is a gallery from our hike…start to finish. 


Sure, I get it. Nature is beautiful. But I don’t hike. Let it be known now.

Laters,

Steph




anjelikabates:

asiamack:

Gas bruh. Gas is hella expensive.

BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA


grandmasterbooty:

omfg he is that nigga




netflixz:

driving past your old elementary school likeimage



atiat:

what if you were in the middle and needed to go to the toilet really suddenly during the show yOU CAN’T ESCAPE

atiat:

what if you were in the middle and needed to go to the toilet really suddenly during the show yOU CAN’T ESCAPE




warsquirtle:

Has anybody ever actually gotten salmonella from eating raw cookie dough or are people just trying to stop me from living my life